The concept of the “cougar” has already proliferated the pop culture lexicon. Between fictional characters and real-life celebrity couples, the older-woman-younger-man dynamic is something we’re all at least tangentially familiar with. But like… do we actually know any cougars who can report back on whether the juice is, in fact, worth the squeeze? 👀 Has anyone you know ever donned the leopard print, done the deed, and returned with a review of the mission?

We don’t. But what we do know is that at our last live show, one of the questions submitted was: “Should I sleep with a 27-year-old? I’m 50.” Naturally, we discussed it onstage, and the girlies in the room seemed overwhelmingly in favor. But when we asked the rest of you in last week’s poll, the vibes were way more “it’s complicated.” 50% of you said yes, 33% of you said no, and 16% said it depends.

We are heading to LKN on 10/16 at Nina’s Boutique, where the vibes will be giving speakeasy 🤫 and Nina’s will be giving 15% off all night. Limited seating, so don’t wait on your tickets! @ninasboutiquelkn

🍹: @wakecoffeeco @wakecoffeego 🧀: @babeandbutcher

👻 Also make sure you have 10/22 marked for our CLT girlies. We promise, you don’t want to miss this one.

Carol: This week I fell victim to perhaps the most sadistic sales tactic I’ve ever experienced.

A rep sent me an email with the subject line: “Missed Zoom Call.” I’m a clinical level perfectionist*, so naturally, my blood pressure skyrocketed. I’ve had a million Zooms this week, so it’s possible (but not probable) that I had dropped the ball on one. Before I could even sort through the wreckage of my inbox, my cell phone (?!?!) starts ringing. And on the other end:

“Hey, this is [name redacted, as my vengeance plan is TBD]. Just calling to check in on you, everything ok? So sorry you weren’t able to make it to the 11am.”

I SPIRAL. My mind is racing 1000 miles a minute. Excuse me? Who are you. Why are you sorry? Why are you calling my PERSONAL PHONE?

I’m tearing through my emails like a raccoon in a trash can, desperate to confirm that I’m not the idiot here, while sputtering some vague lines about a “crazy morning.” I don’t know this person. I don’t know this company. I don’t even know what industry they’re in.

He tells me he’s attempting to “see what he can do to rearrange the meeting this afternoon” I’m still searching - my inbox and my mental stability. How did I miss this meeting? What was it even about? Am I okay? Is this early onset dementia? Should I book a CT scan? Did I drunkenly schedule this on vacation and forget?

And after this whole spiral runs through my head, my soul, my stomach, and my asshole… I find the truth (and I find out my new natural deodorant doesn’t withstand the stress test.) This wasn’t a mistake at all. This “missed meeting” was not real. This was his (because of course it’s a him) final assault sales tactic. I have been sending his emails to junk for 2 months and he has taken that as a sign to level up into guerrilla calendar warfare.

I won’t lie. This has been a week and this emotional terrorist caught me at a bad time (because would it ever be a GOOD TIME TO DO THIS?!) and I did not keep it together. I became my mother’s daughter (shout out Martha). The vein popped out in my forehead and my neck as I laid into this smug day ruiner.

Let me be clear: never, NEVER, trick me into thinking I made an error before we’ve even met. Do you know what that does to a former AG kid / unmedicated OCD / Capital D Daughter? Instant panic. Horror. That stomach-sinking, skin-prickling dread you typically only feel between the ages of 14 and 17 when you know your parents are mad at you.

You want to make me feel certifiably insane and then ATTEMPT TO SELL ME SOMETHING?! Are you joking?! Also, how did you get my cell phone number? Which rep betrayed me? I want names. Your fate is sealed. Not only will I never buy from you, I will now haunt your CRM like a cursed lead you can never close.

Have y’all experienced this new wave of psychological warfare? Clearly, by the amount of CAPS LOCK, bold, and italics in this story, I haven’t recovered. I’m accepting revenge suggestions.

*Please note my perfectionist tendencies do not apply to my ability to respond to text messages. I am not accepting questions at this time. Thank you for your understanding.

Skylar: I need to rant about something that just came to my attention. I have discovered an “ick” I didn’t even know I had, but since my boyfriend is now sick of hearing me rant, I am taking it to the girlies. This weekend, while watching college football, a commercial break cut to Zoe Saldana. Suddenly she’s asking for lights, music, and a dance break to sell us on… a T-Mobile (? honestly I don’t even know) plan. And I was instantly filled with unhealthy rage (not at all fueled by hormones, or this week at large, thank you very much). But can someone please explain to me why this Oscar-winning actress feels the need to take a paycheck for an advertisement she so clearly doesn’t want to be doing? Does she need money?

And truthfully, when it comes to celebs cashing in, where is the line here? Am I mad when an athlete does a goofy Applebee’s spot that actually makes me laugh? No. When Timothée Chalamet stars in a perfume ad that doubles as an art school short film? Also no. But give me an A-list actor who could literally accept any project that stimulates or inspires them, and instead they take an easy cash grab? Ugh.

Because here’s the thing: Zoe Saldana as your spokesperson doesn’t make me want the product more. It just makes me want the commercial to end faster. I even tested this theory by actually watching more ads during the game (for science), and it holds. The non–Steve Carell cast of The Office doing a silly ensemble spot? I’ll allow it. They’re not exactly swimming in offers. Parker Posey in a car commercial? That one hurt. Parker, NO! (And the fact I can say that in the White Lotus accent and you immediately hear it in your head says everything I’m trying to say.)

Even Adam Scott and Adam Brody showing up in a WhatsApp commercial—like, sure, the concept was clever enough, but I don’t want to watch the actors I listen to in deep, inspiring interviews about artistry and never giving up turn around and hawk…an app. Or worse, an appetizer.

Secret Lives X Bachelor Nation. Taylor Frankie Paul was announced as the next Bachelorette and we know this means it really will be a season unlike any other. Fans seemed divided by the casting, and we thought it may mean it’s time to get back to Bachelor nights with the girlies and who knows, maybe a fantasy draft?

Nate Bargatze is currently prepping for one of the hardest rooms in comedy, the Emmy Awards. Leading the pack of nominees is Severance, with a whopping 27 nominations, closely followed by The Penguin and The White Lotus. Meanwhile, The Studio breaks records as the most-nominated first-year comedy series.

Remember all the outrage when Gwynie P named her daughter Apple? Well Apple’s now 21 (Impossible in that I am only slightly older than this despite remembering the outrage at her naming) and is hard launching her modeling career.

Glen Powell and Olivia Jade were spotted together, sparking dating rumours, and I will be 100% honest, I had to google who Olivia Jade even was. Deuxmoi refers to her as a “social media personality” and google, “An American Youtuber.” So I take this all to mean “hot and rich,” exactly how I like my coffee.

Did you play MASH in the backseat of your friend’s mom’s mini van on that summer road trip? I did. And upon recent reflection, I believe there’s something just as earnest about revealing your dream jobs and crushes to your friends at 30 as there was at 13.

We want to bring back playing MASH with the girlies and we want to know what categories defined your future. Let us know what you added to the sheet? Let us know on our IG story.

And checkout the full MASH musings on our substack.

If you’re like me, you cannot walk past the Trader Joe’s flower section. I’ll breeze by, convincing myself I’m “being good this week,” only to circle back three minutes later, fully determined that actually, yes, I do need these all-white roses. And if you’re really like me, you’ll get a sudden burst of confidence that you’re basically a florist now. You grab eucalyptus, a few mystery greens, maybe even some filler you don’t know the name of… only to get home and realize you have absolutely no clue what you’re doing.

Luckily, there is help.

I stumbled across @Happy_Arranging this week and didn’t want to gatekeep. I will report back if I actually accomplish any of these arrangements, but I do feel optimistic. And if nothing else, I will have a more floral feed.

Do you have someone you want to recommend as A Girlie You Should Know? We will shout her out in a newsletter or have her up at a live show! Let us know who we should be cyber stalking this week!

Have a city or venue you think we should have our next live show? Let us know.

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