Last week we asked the girlies “is it cheating if it’s only over text?” and the response was an overwhelming yes, no questions asked, according to 64% of you. The most interesting part of the poll? Zero percent of you said no, it’s not cheating. The remaining responders all agreed that it depends on the context.

Last week Carol reminded us our days of sipping Savvy B with a Summer vibe are sadly limited. If you did not share your favorite recommendations (uh rude!) , maybe you should come do that in person? We will be back with our next live show at The Bohemian Wine Bar on 9/4.

Also, since I am not a gatekeeper, my favorite crisp beauty is from New Zealand, and available at Whole Foods, for a very affordable price (like $12!)

Carol: Big week for Swifties. Big week for people who hate Swifties.

Did I have feelings about the woman with the largest platform on earth dropping her album news on her boyfriend’s tiny little sports podcast? Yes. Did I immediately get over it with this:

Yes.

The problem with a Sunday newsletter after a Wednesday announcement is that there’s nothing left to analyze. Swifties have snagged every crumb like the professionals we are.

We’ve analyzed the bookshelf behind Tayvis like it’s the Dead Sea Scrolls. But here’s one thing I haven’t seen floating around yet: the Midnights bodysuit getting shorter and shorter throughout the Eras Tour wasn’t random increasing confidence levels. It was the easter egg. She was headed toward Showgirl all along (and if someone else already said this, spare me, there are no original thoughts left in Swiftiverse).

The rest of my thoughts, rapid-fire: everything on the bookshelf is an easter egg, she’s doing a Broadway residency so she can snatch an EGOT, there will be more songs, the orange is a clapback at that asshole’s album cover, and her necklace was not an accident. Oh, and everyone will be basically naked for Halloween this year, and I’m here for it. Get it, Showgirls.

Super Bowl? Undecided. I can’t imagine what the NFL could possibly offer Taylor. But if it happens, gird your loins, sports ball fans. Swifties will snatch tickets faster than you’ve ever seen… and then leave after halftime. Imagine being a Sports Fan trying to get Super Bowl tickets against millions of girls, gays, and theys who have already survived the Ticketmaster Hunger Games. You’ve never known pain until you’ve gone up against a Swiftie with 12 Chrome tabs, an AmEx presale code, and an entire group chat on standby refreshing the iPad. Good luck, boyz.

Skylar: This week, e.l.f. Cosmetics dropped a new commercial featuring…Matt Rife. Yes, that Matt Rife. The male comedian who is arguably just as famous for his jawline as his actual jokes. You may remember the backlash after his 2021 Netflix special included a joke about Domestic Violence. Definitely the spokesperson I imagine when I think of positivity and inclusivity (you know, the very words e.l.f. uses to describe themselves in their ethos statement)

I will always be the first person to argue on behalf of comedy pushing boundaries even when I don’t like what someone has to say. Expression, free speech, etc. But a cosmetics campaign designed to make women feel good? Who was in a pitch meeting and thought, you know who we should make front and center for that? Matt Rife.

This commercial comes off the heels of the Sydney Sweeney controversy. Arguably, in that case, the problem was more with the script than the model. The Matt Rife situation feels somewhat similar to me in that it’s not so much about him, but about the decision-making pipeline that greenlit it.

Because honestly? I’m not mad at Matt. I’m not mad at Sydney. I am mad at the marketing execs cashing six-figure paychecks while serving us campaigns that feel tone-deaf at best. So Kory Marchisotto, Chief Global Marketing Officer for E.l.f. Who shared that Matt was cast because of his active social media following which skews female… just do better.

If you haven’t tossed some crumbled gorgonzola cheese into your Trader Joes Kale Broccoli Slaw Salad, do it tonight. You will not regret it.

A few months ago, I spiraled over the fact that I am officially o-v-e-r the little game I play with gate agents. You know the one. Where they see my Lulu crossbody as a personal affront to the FAA, demand I “consolidate” it into my backpack, and then I immediately take it back out the second I sit down. It fills me with a white-hot rage capable of burning down an entire terminal.

Fast-forward to a few weeks ago: we upgraded to first class on our flight from Indy back to CLT, and I decided to TeSt ThE wAteRs. Surely, in this priority boarding, complimentary-beverage, kiss-your-ass seat, they would let me waltz on with my security satchel snug across my chest, plus my backpack and carry-on.

Nope. You would think I’d tried to smuggle a kilo of narcotics. The gate agent forcibly told me to put my crossbody into another bag. I attempted to hide it under my backpack, thinking we could keep the little song and dance moving, but no. She stopped me, forced me to unzip my bag in front of the entire gate of people waiting to board (because, you know first class is literally first), I had to keep from shouting at her “this is an Alaia!” and of course the crowd was full of industry people since we were flying back from the race. So now I’m publicly humiliated and embarrassing my boyfriend.

Whatever. I’ll live to fight this fight another day. But consider this your warning: if you think they’ll let it slide just because you paid for more room? Nope.

This week we are exploring the question “is moving to a new city the fastest way to reinvent yourself…or are you just running from your problems?” and we want to hear from you. One girlie this week shared, “moving to a new city allows you to explore parts of yourself that you’ve hidden or were too afraid to explore. You can find who you are without being influenced by the ones who have known you the longest.”

If you have a girlie you think we should ask or you’re interested in sharing your thoughts, email us at [email protected]. Your response can be anon or we can tag you on social and when we share. We’ll post on substack this week if you want to be one of the first to read more.

Have a juicy story that needs to be told at a live show? Tell us.

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Don’t wait til the last minute, grab a ticket to our show on 9/4 at the Bohemian. The first 10 tickets sold get a special treat at the show.